Monday, March 25, 2013

Happy Freedom Day!

As I am about to enter into the time of Passover, I begin with a tale that had me feeling like a captive emotional prisoner in my own world.
The past two weeks have been hell.
It started off because my mother fell ill. She is a vulnerable older woman with heart disease. A story in and of itself. She needed emergency surgery and the last time she had been "under" was 18 years ago when her challenging life began. We were all under panic and concerned if she would wake up post surgery.
The feeling of waiting and wondering and hoping was sharp. Sitting wasn't possible and breathing was hard especially when you think you are about to lose someone, like a mother. I was trapped in my own emotional world. Numb. Worried. Panicked.
And while some call this neurotic, I call it love.
When we finally got word from the doctor (she was in Florida for all of this) that everything went smooth, we could finally breath and sit. There was relief, clarity and emancipation. I felt free.
One week later. Her service dog, Marvin, literally fell ill.
This dog is the equivalent to freedom for my mother. He has given her independence and companionship. He has walked along her side for 6 years. Has held her hand through tough times and has never failed her.
We thought that this was the end of Marvin. The end of an era that brought love and happiness to our mother and our family.
And on this day, this morning, Marvin got up to walk. We don't know 100% what happened to him--we are still waiting for those details, but regardless of the diagnosis, Marvin, on the first day of Passover, a time in the Jewish calendar to appreciate freedom, we are all of that. Free from that agony of waiting. Free from our own emotional enslavement. We are here and we will remember deeply the pain our ancestors went through. The inability to sit or be comfortable is something we will remember in their honor.
Both my Mother and Marvin are here today for unknown reasons. Their vulnerability, our vulnerability has never been more apparent and our need to appreciate life and freedom has never been more lucid.
Call it luck, call it a miracle. I call it Freedom. Freedom to feel how you need to feel in these critical times and the freedom to know/ feel that we are certainly free.
To all those caring for someone, enslaved by burden and hardship, let this story give you peace.

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